With the help of renowned table-tapper Doris Teatowel, countercultural powerhouse Reinhardt Haydn has pierced the purple veil between this world and the next to conduct an exclusive interview with Tupac Shakur for Rap Spiritualist Quarterly. Here is an excerpt from the conversation, which took place in a Thornton Heath living room between two episodes of Coronation Street, last Monday;
Doris Teatowel: He’s coming through … Ooooh, ahhhhh …. Hello? ‘Pac? Is that you homes? I have a brother here who would like to lay something on you … Yes? OK – go ahead…
Haydn: Right … So – ‘Pac, how has life changed for you since you died?
Tupac: No frontin’ – Things are very different for me now. First up, I’m in limbo – this is down to all those foo’s refusing to believe taht I’m dead, no matter how many pictutres of my autopsy are put in front of them. Until folk accept that I’m toast, there ain’t no way that I can move on. I’m stuck in transit ’til they wise up. Still, if they’re dumb enough to believe I’d record a song with a big pansy like Elton, then I can see how they’d swallow anything. Biggie passed through here like a sardine through a seagull – ain’t nobody deifying his big ass.
Haydn: So … where exactly are you?
Tupac: Limbo, foo’.
Haydn: Right … what’s it like?
Tupac: Not what I expected. It’s a lot like a Travel Lodge … My crib has a bed, a TV – no HBO or porn – an en suite shower and coffee making facilities.
Haydn: Are you on your own?
Tupac: Not more than hardly … There’s a whole mess of us stuck here; Elvis Presley, Jim Morrisson, Shergar, some parts of Cher…
Haydn: Wow! How do you get along with Elvis?
Tupac: I tend to stay clear of him – he thinks I’m Martha Reeves. I guess his head is wasted from life. Plus he takes the Twinkies from folks’ rooms, and you have to wait ’til the next day before they give you another two. He still thinks he’s the king.
Haydn: Is limbo spiritually enriching?
Tupac: No. It’s like a Travel Lodge. How ‘enriching’ do you think that is, cracker?
Haydn: Not very…
Tupac: No shit. I was expecting clouds, wings, harps and maybe George Burns – but I don’t get that ’til I pass through.
Haydn: And that’s dependent on people accepting that you’ve died?
Tupac: Word. They need to put me behind them before I can move forward.
Haydn: Have you taken anything positive from the whole experience of being dead?
Tupac: Sure – it got me out of my Death Row contract
Haydn: But Suge Knight’s carried on releasing your albums…